oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
