Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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