I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
this is an emotional support booty call
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Randomize
