Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
