At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
