apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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