Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
