So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
