I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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