I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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