she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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