One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
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