We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
