there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
