i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
