I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
