1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
