I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
