what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
