Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He felt like a one man threesome
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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