i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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