i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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