At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
