someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
