i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
