She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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