I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize