I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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