I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
