the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Ketchup is God's man juice
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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