he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
