He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
