honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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