Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Are my feet made of real feet?
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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