how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Randomize
