The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
