Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
