Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
