Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
