Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
My breasts were aching with rage.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
