I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
