Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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