dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
