i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
