Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
