Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize