Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
