and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
this hospital has no fireball
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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