There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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