I cannot find my penis.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
