im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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