Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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