Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
