So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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