my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
