Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
