Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
