Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
