Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
