so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i think i have two assholes
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
