He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
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When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
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I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
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