hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
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